Life goes on…

Its a boring current daily routine, read at your own risk coz it’s toxic. I’m just frustrated, don’t wanna study right now and wanna speak abt anything crap with someone but no one’s available.

When I have all the time in the world, the whole world goes busy. Everyone is doing really busy stuff or just simply eating or watching a sitcom. Never mind, everyone is gonna call back when I’m back to studying or in the middle of some of my stupid KEM paperwork. But still, its not the end of the world and life goes on.

It’s not like your internet isn’t working or the speakers suddenly turn off and on top of that even the stupid tube light stops working or the AC stops cooling. But when bad things happen all of that can happen at once and when it does, it really really sucks. But life goes on.

Yes it does go on. One does things one has to, to fix stuff. Like i called up the electrician and got the tube light and the speakers fixed. Thank god I’m not getting fat now (coz according to one of my friends he’s not losing weight coz his speakers are not working). The AC doesn’t need fixing as it’s monsoons now and the weather is pleasant. See, life goes on.

I haven’t been able to study a word for step 2 CK since I came back from my elective and the exam date is approaching closer and closer but everyday goes wasted in getting the paperwork for ECFMG certification (which btw still isn’t over coz Mr. S is either busy making me run around here and there or he just doesn’t bother turning up at all like he did today) Or the day goes wasted in getting the things fixed. Well, now that I think of it, it’s not exactly a waste. May be I’m wasting time now so that I wont have to later and I’ll be studying for step 2 all the time then. Not having to do internship and having the time to study always is a funny feeling in itself. And you end up wasting a lot of time bit by bit thinking that now there’s no internship and you have all the time in the world. Why the hell is that exam feeling not coming? Why am I not gaining full momentum. May be I’m just waiting for all my paperwork to be over. Only then I’ll be able to read without any back of the mind worrying.

Whatever you do however you do at the end of the day it’s another day gone. Remember that. And life goes on.

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The New ME

I am new

But I’m still me

Yesterday there was sorrow

But today there’s glee

 

I wonder what happened

or who for that matter

But I thank him from the depths

for today I’m free

 

I will fly and fly

And keep on flying

As I’m not scared of the heights

But I’d choose to be on a tree

 

With birds and fairies

the ones that I love

nothing else do i want

coz now I found me

 

a void that remains empty

I’ve been feeling a bit empty. As if im never going to get what I want in life. Why is this happening to me? I cannot make out.

Am I shallow or something?
Or am I still in love with my past? May be I am holding on to it so tightly that im not ready to welcome what is there for me in my future. I dont think i would ever accept it if it shows up.
Its just confusing. Everything.

the beginning

beginnings are supposed to be strong…
the only thing that is strong right now is definitely the emotion…
positive or negative, it exists… for people, situations, music, medicine etc etc…
sometimes the broth brewing inside is so complicated that you cannot make out what exactly you are feeling and the reactions to various things get cross connected…
Sometimes nothing is expressed except for that serious subdued face that is shown to everyone everyday… People don’t understand… and they never will… they don’t want to… coz they wanna do things that they like to… despite the fact that it might kill someone in an indirect way… and they always know about it…
You know that you are responsible for everything that’s happening to you… but you don’t wanna believe… they tellĀ you to change… to end your suffering on your own and stop blaming them… they say that it’s possible… But let your brain think ‘rationally’ just once in the exact same way as that 4 chambered bird in your rib cage is beating…
Is that possible…???